Everyone. ZARZAND will help everyone. How can we claim that? Because when you start using numbers like “in the millions,” when describing the at risk couples population in the United States alone, then multiply that number by all the other countries with their populations, then you start talking about lives in epic proportions. And no small number of them are looking for concrete tools such as the resources we have created.


But even if you’ve come to our site and don’t see yourself as squarely within one of our focus groups, there’s someone in your life, a family member, friend, co-worker, social club member or neighbor who DOES fit. In fact, with numbers this high, there’s bound to be several people in your inner circle who falls into one OR MORE of our groups. Which makes them not our groups, but everyone’s friends and family, including yours.


When scores of relationships struggle, all of society is impacted. It affects stress levels, job productivity, emotional and physical health, our children, our parents, laws, faith convictions, the list goes on. Clearly, many try to address the intimacy component within society as a whole. Many organizations are working tirelessly to make a difference for those facing the many challenges we’re also intent on addressing. We’re not here to replace anyone’s professional guidance or be critical of what is or isn’t currently available. Our goal is to come along side those looking for resources whether personally, professionally or within one of these organizations, and offer additional tools and support.


ZARZAND’s goal is to complement the strategy, not take over the game. We want to enhance lives, and that mean’s everybody’s.




When you add any additional challenges to what’s already as daunting or intimidating as a relationship, you’re stacking a deck that already seems ambitious to begin with.


No matter what phase of being in a relationship you’re in the middle of, there’s no denying that it takes putting your brave on, committing to hard work, and working up the courage to see yourself as a “keeper,” while at the same time, finding ways to convince your partner you see them as worth keeping too. It’s a big job. And many of us fail at one or more sections of it, resulting in the loss of something we actually really do, or did, value. That may be the ultimate loss, and both parties walk away, or just as difficult, both parties hang in, tolerating rather than celebrating being in the relationship.


Tolerating verses celebrating. Huge difference. Huge.


So is seeing yourself as incapable of being a good partner verses an invaluable one.


ZARZAND is focusing some sorely needed attention on supplying some new strategies and tools to those facing some of those “additional challenges.” We’re not only here to cheer people on, but to give them some concrete tangible help. Its not our goal to merely inspire people, it’s our goal to say Not only can you do this, but here’s some ways to make it happen!


Doesn’t everyone deserve to have as many options made available as possible when it comes to making relationships work? What if you were one of those millions of people trying to reach into your bag of tricks in order to keep a relationship that MATTERS to you alive and healthy, and you found that bag empty?


ZARZAND is important because we know how to fill some of those bags. We’re not miracle workers, but we believe we can make a very real difference for no small number of those who need it. Maybe even you.


ZARZAND is different primarily because it’s quite honestly filling a need that to date has gone unmet. But there’s several other things that set us apart.


  • We’re not out to over throw our closest competition, there simply aren’t any “competitors” in this field. And even if there were, we’re here to join hands with those who are also focused on meeting the needs of societies most vulnerable singles and couples, not compete with them.


  • We’re addressing people groups whose relational health & struggles all too frequently get downplayed in light of meeting their other day-to-day survival needs.


  • We’re modifying hundreds of ideas in order to make them usable by the millions of individuals who cannot currently use the ideas commonly found on romance sites, or in books and periodicals.


  • We’re compiling lists of practical date solutions for those who find it difficult or impossible to use the ones suggested on the hundreds of existing dating sites.


  • Our ideas and suggestions are not clinical. You’ll hear a lot of humor used. Sometimes, you’ll hear some things that have a bit of a “raw” edge to them.  We’re a pretty down-to-earth, keep it simple kind of company.


  • When we make a suggestion such as write a love note or say something romantic, we’ll actually give clear examples of what can be said and shared at that time. We recognize not everyone is fluent on how to voice that level of communication.


  • ZARZAND is creating the first romance & intimacy web site that is intentionally fully inclusive, user friendly and accessible. As we build each page, we’re taking counsel and weighing out how to meet the needs of our many users.


  • We’re providing our resources with zero costs, sign up fees, or members-only sections.


  • ZARZAND is committed to being a pornography free zone, to include soft porn. The utmost of care is being taken to keep our site free from pop ups and our visitors from being redirected to other sites which potentially do not uphold similar standards. (* That being said, if you use or create pornography, we mean you no offense, and the ZARZAND team welcomes the opportunity to exchange conversations or hear from you.)


  • Our site will maintain the strictest standard of respect in the use of language and terminology pertaining to any an all people and subject matters.  Everyone is valued equally, no exceptions to that rule.  ZARZAND supports people, not topics.


  • To date, there has never been a formal or informal “hub” that allows people from all walks of life, especially ones that might be viewed as a little more fragile or broken… to collectively combine their experiences, inspirations and solutions for the sake of assisting others who might be able to relate for all together differing reasons. We’re bringing together multiple groups who up until now have addressed their people’s needs only within their inner circle. ZARZAND is creating a new community where quite literally, SENSE & SENSUALITY MEET. It’s a tag line for us, because collecting and combing everyone’s ideas on how to enhance the overall global intimacy practices & health, just makes sense. And using common sense is sexy.


  • And quite distinctly, what makes the ZARZAND team & experience different, is the reality that those creating the site and its ideas, are all “card carrying members” of the very people groups whose needs we seek to meet. And while loads of professional have assisted in creating what’s being offered, the majority of them also meet that description. We need these ideas too. We use the ideas.


Are we different? We are. But how do we frame that within the context of wanting to make it clear, that we’re in this because we’re all the same. Every one of us simply trying to make our relationships and the sharing of intimacy better. Achievable. Incredible even.


ZARZAND is an entirely new breed of intimacy website. Expecting porn? Well don’t. What we’ve got going here shatters the need for that and reroutes the imagination in far more useful and exhilarating ways! We’re exploring what will take every person, no matter what their personal history, situation, goals or challenges are, to a whole new level of realizing just what the term “intimacy” actually can entail. JOIN US as we throw out hundreds of new ideas. You’ll be amazed at what more there is for you, both in and out of the bedroom. If you can’t change your circumstances, then at least change your game strategy! We’re going to renovate and enlarge some of your perspectives. A lot of them maybe. You won’t find what we’ve created any place else. We know, because our team members all came from backgrounds where they looked. Be creative! Be healthy! Be thoughtful! ZARZAND will be there to help you every step of the way!

ZARZAND is committed to bring all of this to our visitors in an atmosphere free from sign-up fees or “members only” sections, and free from prejudice. We’re committed to making it user friendly and accessible. We hope we’ve created something here that allows you to feel welcome, safe, and seriously inspired, a place from which you can leave feeling self confident rather than self-conscious, a place you’ll actually want your partner to spend time as well. Everything offered is done so purely as food for thought. We are a company interested in changing lives. Everyone is welcome. If it’s a topic that matters to you, we understand it must matter to us all. We’re positive you’ll want to visit often and that you’ll never leave regretting your time.


Why should I be running an intimacy/relationship website? What could I possibly understand about relationship? I’ve asked myself those questions, and to be honest, so has my family. My response is simple. There are many people in the world who are just like me.

Here is a small part of my story. I’m in my fifties. I’ve had a good number of girlfriends since high school, and some of those were lengthy relationships. I’ve also had a reasonable number of marriages, and I now have three “ex-wives.” And it’s fair to point out that not one of my past relationships ended because one of us died.

I’m currently single and enjoying my choice to stay that way for now. However, it’s not that I want to be single forever; I don’t. But I also don’t want another ex-wife, or another ex-girlfriend. It dawned on me that I didn’t want to keep heading (or stumbling) down the same path with the same negative result. So I took a break from dating a while back and decided to keep the focus on me, my kids, life as a single person, and what all that looks like. I know that for me, it’s been a good move.

I should probably point out that even though my marriages didn’t end well, there were plenty of positive things during those years that I would never change. I have three amazing daughters who remind me every day that I’m worth having around. My married years have significantly contributed to who I am today, and those contributions will also influence what kind of a partner I will be in the future.

When a marriage ends, people get hurt. We often walk away feeling like a complete embarrassment as well as a failure, not to mention the added guilt and complications that we experience when kids are involved. But a co-worker said to me after my last divorce, “If you add up all the “good” years from your marriages, you still have more happy years than many people ever get.” Now I know that sounds funny, and I’m sure he was trying to help me feel better about myself, but in a way he was right. I didn’t appreciate what he said until months later, but it stuck with me and ended up giving me a reason to be encouraged. Any reason to be encouraged is definitely worthwhile.

When it comes to being married, I know a couple things. The first thing is, divorce sucks. Whether you’re the one wanting out of the marriage or the one trying to keep it together, it sucks either way. I’ve been on both sides of the fence, and I didn’t like either side. Nobody is 100% responsible for the failure of a marriage. It’s a two way street for sure. Certainly at times one person will own a bigger percentage of the break-up than the other, but both are responsible and I’m not sure enough people recognize that. I own my part in every one of my past relationships. I’ve also learned that everybody has baggage. There’s just no getting around it. It doesn’t matter if you’re rich or poor, young or old, famous or on the street, the game of relationships is the same for all of us. I’ve given myself permission to put my baggage down. I still own it, but I’ve put it down. It’s time to take what I’ve learned in the past, break the pattern, and move on to a new path which, so far, for me, has been less traveled.

I’m not saying I’ll ever walk down the aisle again; odds are against it, but I do remember saying after my second divorce, “Never again”. Now, after five decades, I’m still learning things about relationship and intimacy. And I’m not giving up on the idea of finding a healthy, long lasting relationship. It’s still very possible. If you’re still reading this, I hope you don’t give up either. Give yourself the chance to stay encouraged. I believe ZARZAND can be a part of that. It’s one of our primary goals, to help all of us take another look at how we value and deal with intimacy in our lives. Some couples have it figured out. Some of us are figuring it out. Where you may be in the process doesn’t matter. Just keep processing.

Thanks for listening. I wish everyone luck in their own journey.
– Tom

Sex doesn’t define you as a lover.

We hear it all the time, “You don’t understand, there’s no way for me to be their lover any more. We’re still together, but we aren’t lovers.”


Maybe you need to redefine what lovers means. If circumstances have changed, try letting your image of what was ,or should be, do some changing too. It has to start in your head, and in your attitude, because your willingness to allow yourself to be seen as a lover directly impacts your determination to be one.


Lovers are ones who LOVE. Who extend loving gestures. Who find a way to allow those same efforts and emotions to be extended back. What that looks like varies from couple to couple, and more notably, from day to day, because day-to-day realities reinforce the need for that flexibility.


Sex doesn’t define you as a lover.

Touching someone a particular way physically doesn’t either.

But touching your partners heart, well there you have a definite foundation for what being a lover entails.


Lets start thinking out of the box. Who wants to be in a box any way? Start clicking some buttons on the ZARZAND site. Find yourself one thing to start with, and let that be enough. Tomorrow, you can come back and find one more.


Give it some effort. Give your partner the chance to see you’re trying to keep the ball rolling, or for some, start the ball rolling again. Don’t give up. It’s a process, not a competition. Find a way to be a lover that is tailored to you and the one you’re with.


(Note: Sex isn’t out of the conversation yet though, so don’t loose that thought.)

Make assumptions. Listen to your gut checks.

Did you know the 15th of January through the 15th of February see:


  • More affairs are entered into than any other time of year
  • The biggest jump annually of divorces & separations are filed for
  • More suicides attempted and completed than any other 30 day period
  • The highest increase of overdoses occur
  • The greatest number of pain prescriptions recorded per year are written
  • The greatest number of first time mood disorder prescriptions  are requested
  • There is a marked jump in sex solicitation
  • Suicide and abuse hotline workers, clergy & counselors experience their own PTSD symptoms and step down from feeling able to continue in those positions



Post Holiday exhaustion hits the ceiling. The pending advancement of Valentines Day and what it’s “supposed” to look like, what it’s “hoped” to be settles in. For some, for MANY, it becomes unbearable.


ZARZAND would like to encourage EVERYONE  within view of this post to stop and tag in with your friends, family, co-workers and neighbors, and openly remind them that you’re available to them and that they’re welcome to seek out your company and listening ear if it’s needed.


Make assumptions. Listen to your gut checks.

Just step in and step up.


And for those who know we’re talking about you, wave a red flag, a white flag, what ever you want to call it. Don’t be a statistic, put your brave on. No matter how broken you feel, there are solutions to what’s tearing away at you. February 16th and the rest of the year deserve a chance to open up some great doors for you and your loved one.   

Hey, I’m thinking about you.

The holidays have passed. How ya feeling now? How’s your partner or spouse? It’s pretty common here a couple weeks out, for one or both of you to be feeling a little mopey. Disconnected. Maybe even a little edgy.


Stop in the next 24 hours and find a moment to purposefully love up on your other half. Make a concrete decision to do something kind, thoughtful and if reasonable romantic, so that they have no question what so ever, that you CARE about them. Make it a priority to make sure they know they matter to you.


Brighten their day. No matter what your circumstances are, you CAN find a way to do that. There’s always a way to modify an idea to suit your needs. And we’ve done just that, modified a whole slew of them for you. ZARZAND is a loads of empathy, but no excuses company. We’ve got your back. It’s all free. There’s no offensive graphics, or pop ups. Its all accessible and user friendly.  Click the resource button, you can’t miss it LOL.


Come on; find something to do that says, Hey, I’m thinking about you.

As you’re out and about…

As you’re out and about today, IF you’re out and about perhaps you’ll see a “Giving Tree” or have a door opened by a bell ringer. Maybe you’ll be one of those people who graciously help out with a gift or donation. We hope so. But we also hope you’ll be equally as generous with your patience today. Return a smile even when you’re met with a blank stare, or perhaps a glare. Consider returning a kindness to someone who has just been undeniably rude or short with you. And don’t let it matter if those actions aren’t responded back with polite gratitude.


In any crowd, there will be people around you who suffered a loss this week, a betrayal, an abuse or whose health took a turn. You’re surrounded by exhausted caregivers, and addicts trying so hard to recover. First Responders and Military. Pastors, Clerics & Rabbis, counselors and social workers who are hearing and seeing IT ALL right now. And you’re surrounded by all of their partners and spouses.


Why not make a date night by going to a mall and just walking around arm in arm, hand in hand, and meeting people in the eye as often as possible while sharing a warm smile? Go hold doors open with a flourish; you don’t have to say a word.


By all means, open up your wallet when and if you can. But extending a courtesy to the person who SEEMS to least deserve it may be the most valuable gift you exchange or donate this year. You may not get to see how it affects them, or the ones they return to at home, but you have no idea how much you could change a life.

What to be thankful for…

Thanksgiving, meant to be a day when we stop and focus on what all we genuinely do have to be thankful for. Fair enough.


For some, it’s a good reminder and we use it as such. For some, it’s just a huge trigger.


We didn’t personally ask anyone to mandate it our job, or even our goal, to want to stop and attempt to feel something specific.  We certainly didn’t demand a day to openly acknowledge the root of those feelings in the presence of others either.


If in fact that comes easy for you or if it comes easy for your partner standing next to you, then add that blessing to your what you’re thankful for list. It’s NOT a small thing. Those emotions you’re able to feel can make your life and the one you share it with free to nurture each other in ways that keep you healthy and together. We encourage you to use Thanksgiving as a perfect opportunity to recognize and voice your gratitude with and about your partner OFTEN.


If this holiday leaves you cringing for whatever reason, kick back and dismiss any thoughts that ask, “What the hells wrong with you?” and tell that negative committee in your head to shut up. Maybe try to use this holiday as a springboard for you to remember that keeping your emotions together today at any level is a success. Period. Write yourself a note and keep it in your pocket to hold on to and be a tangible reminder that today will be over in a few hours.  That’s something to be thankful for right? Even if you don’t say it out loud.


Always try to be kinder today than necessary, because you can’t always know who’s on one side of the fence or the other, or if they’re on the fence teetering.